Saturday, November 8, 2008

Mortifying Mommy Moments

For every old lady who has commented to me on how wonderful and sweet my children are, I dedicate this story to you. This evening I needed to go to Target and JoAnns. We aren't talking major overload the cart grocery shopping here, so you'd think my kids could handle an hour in public. But noooo. Ten minutes into Target, I'm browsing the clearance racks for a new top and hear my girls fighting. I kid you not, when I looked over there they were, rolling around on the floor wrestling over a shoe. Literally wrestling! On the floor, in a crowded Target. After they get the whispering shouting from me, they proceed to hide behind the racks of clothes against the back wall and pull ALL of the clothes off. Seriously. McKenzie is almost 8. We picked up the things we needed and cruised through toys (my new Gregory bribery). The entire time I'm telling Hailey stay off the cart. Don't hang on the cart you'll tip it over. Get off of the cart. Over and over and over. Hailey is either hanging off the cart tipping it onto 2 wheels, or running off leaving me yelling at her like some bad mom who can't keep track of her wayward child. Who I'd like to add is almost 6 and knows better.

Needless to say by the time we get to JoAnns I'm not impressed. I only needed 2 things for a project. Get in, get out. Immediately Hailey starts hanging off the cart again. The JoAnns carts are teeny tiny and tip easily. And Connor is sitting in the front. We're standing in the notions aisle and I tell her for millionth time to get off the cart now! As soon as she hops off, I turn to get what I need. I've got my hands full while I compare items, when out of the corner of my eye I see the cart moving in a weird way. I turn just in time to see the cart tipping over, towards the handle with Hailey scrambling to get out of its way before it lands on her. All I can see is poor Connor's head headed towards the concrete floor. I drop everything, grab him like an inch from the ground, and just went balistic psycho mommy on Hailey. I was so ticked off at the kid I couldn't see straight. I didn't realize how loudly I was yelling at her until I looked up to see a woman standing at the end of the aisle with wide eyes and her mouth hanging open. She's just staring at me like I'm a crazed drug addict who's beating her child. Lest you think I have completely lost it I wasn't saying anything mean just the usual "HAILEY HUISMAN! WHAT ARE YOU DOING! I TOLD YOU NOT TO TOUCH THE CART! variety of yelling. There may have been some strong, shaking finger pointing going on also. I was angry and it scared the crap out of me. So I take it down to scary mommy whisper-yelling and find her a time out corner until I stop seeing red.

So now you're thinking "man that's embarrassing" glad it wasn't me. But wait, it gets worse. Instead of high tailing it out of there like I maybe should have, I get what I came for. If I drag all those kids into a store I'm getting what I came for. When I walk up to the cutting table every one is literally staring at me. They aren't even trying to hide it. I asked if they heard me yelling and of course they all did. I explained what had happened, but the staring continued. I was trying to be all cool and funny about it, but I think I just came off as lame. And of course the woman at the end of the aisle who witnessed it all was there too. I'm sure as soon as I left she told everyone else about the crazy drug mommy who screamed like a banshy at her kid. One of the employees was on the phone, and I was sure she was calling the police for the first couple of minutes, until I heard her talking about fabric. Then the checkout lady looked at me all weird, and when I asked, she of course had heard it too. I'm pretty sure the whole store heard me screaming at Hailey. I give her an abbreviated version of the story and call the kids who have of course all disappeared. They come flying to the front, Hailey totally body checked Greg on the way, sending him flying. And of course everyone nearby happened to be watching this too. I felt slightly vindicated like "Hey see she is wild its not just me."

I realize some of you probably skimmed my rambling because I'm obviously venting here. The jist of my blog is this: my kids are not suited for public appearances. They act like animals and I totally lost my temper (and don't feel too bad about it). I was horribly embarrassed.
The rest of you are probably thinking "um Liz isn't this what happens everytime you take your kids out?" Sadly yes. Sometimes the truth hurts.

Tuesday, November 4, 2008


We always take the kids up to Manito Park in the spring and summer but it is just beautiful in the fall. They hadn't raked the leaves up yet and it so pretty. We went to an area we don't usually go to since we usually stick to the pond and flower gardens and there was this whole quiet, grassy section with all of these leaves. It was just a perfect fall day.

Sadly this is the best picture I got of all 4 kids. My camera batteries died and I didn't have any backups. I even asked a couple of other people I'd seen around with cameras for some but no luck.

Mmm leaves. Nothing like a little extra fiber in your diet there buddy. Hailey loves her baby.

I just love this picture of Connor. Dave has decided his new nickname will be Chubs in honor of the original Chubs since our boy is living up to that nickname quite nicely.

We took the kids up to Hidden Acres apple orchard to get apples and pumpkins a few weekends ago. I'd wanted to go back to Walter's where we'd always gond as kids but it has turned into some sort of shopping mall for people who want to pretend they did something outdoorsy. They have a parking director, huge crowds, and when I tried to go into the store to I got shoved around by women in leather jackets and high heeled boots. Hello this is an apple farm not Nordstroms! Needless to say I was disappointed that my childhood memories were not going to be lived up to, so we left for less fancy pastures.
The kids enjoying their cart ride courtesy of Dave.

We had been pumping up this hayride with the farmer all afternoon, the kids were so excited especially Greg. Like any smart parent we saved it for last so we'd have something to hold over their heads for good behavior. Only when we got to the hayride, the driver was leaving. I chased him down and asked if he was doing anymore. He was on his way home. So I gave him this sad story about how excited my kids were and my little boy who was so looking forward to it. Then to clinch the deal I pointed over at my kids who were all standing so forlornly by the tractor (they had some pretty genuinely sad faces on). The poor guy didn't stand a chance. He was like geesh I can't say no to that and hopped back on his tractor. Thanks hay ride driver! You made their day. He even sang farm songs the whole time.

Hailey was our pumpkin hauler. She ran back and forth between the cart and the other kids carrying pumpkins. Surprisingly (or maybe not so much) after all this and a soccer game she still came home bursting with energy. Go figure.

Monday, November 3, 2008

Halloween...You Betcha!

McKenzie and Hailey have discovered the true meaning of until you're sick. As soon as you're feeling slightly better, eat a bunch more. They were so hyper this weekend I thought I was going to go crazy. Honestly, Greg didn't eat a regular meal for 3 days. Poor Greg was so freaked out about Halloween. He thought it would be a bunch of scary people jumping out at him the whole time. When we went to the ward Halloween party on Tuesday, we assured him all the way there it would not be scary. Our youth put on a carnival for Halloween, and we happened to park right by the window where they were doing a haunted house. So much for trusting us. We hop out of the car to the sound of kids screaming and poor Greg froze in his tracks. We made sure to steer him clear of that and stick to freaked out child appropriate activies. My parents went trick or treating with us on Halloween since Dave had to work. We found a fun neighborhood to trick or treat in and yay! it wasn't freezing. It was the best Halloween in years since I didn't want to just hide in my car with the heat blazing. Greg was still scared and walked around solemly all night sucking on his lips (its his scared thing.) My parents took us to Krispy Kreme afterwards because the kids just hadn't had enough sugar coarsing through their veins yet.

Here's Kenz with her beloved donut on a string. Sadly she isn't posing for this shot. That kissing face is her actual normal face before she eats a donut. She loves them a little too much.

The girls and their loot. Greggers is my timid little dinosaur in the background.

At the ward Halloween party. Greggers is a dinosaur, Connor has Greg's old cowboy costume, Kenzie is a princess and Hailey is Hannah Montana complete with fiber optic glowing wig. A necessity for every little girl.

I don't remember dressing up for Halloween since the 6th grade when I went as the Phantom of the Opera and no one knew who I was supposed to be (hard to believe I didn't have any friends, I know.) So with that great track record, I decided to see how many more people I could make not want to be my friend and dressed up as Sarah Palin. My nametag said "McCain - Palin, Gettin Mavericky" I'll let you be the judge if this was meant to be supportive or ironic. Let's just say when I went trick or treating it didn't go over as planned, but the kids bagged extra candy from my "fans." Bonus : I got to say "you bethcha" a lot.